雅思作文考试方法（雅思小伦哥-雅思写作批改）

Some people believe that spending money on developing technology for space exploration is unjustifiable, there are more beneficial ways to spend money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Space exploration has been a popular topic nowadays. （背景句俗套，不够扣题）I partly agree with the assertion above.（请明确说明自己的观点） In my opinion, it is beneficiary to mobilize and allocate resources to space science for several reasons.（自己的理由可以讲的具体一点） However, we can not ignore other aspects, including education and welfare at the same time.（other aspects在下文当中并没有完全展开，没有做到前后对应）

It is definitely worthwhile to spend money on space exploration since this can not only help figure out the previously unsolved mysteries but also benefit our daily life. （通常一个主体段只讨论一个观点，多个观点会导致主体段字数不平均，而且每个观点都无法充分讨论）（距离从这里就开始了，所以在这里建议插入for example）People are always wondering whether earth is the only planet where humans are able to survive. For example（此处for example建议删除）, through space exploration, people may find another habitable planet in the future. If people insist that it is a waste of resources to explore the space, there will be few opportunities for these scientific breakthroughs to appear later. （这个主体段写到这里基本上就可以结束了，不需要进一步展开下一个观点）In addition, some of the technologies used in space exploration can be applied in daily life. For instance, the materials used to make astronomers’ clothes can make it possible for people to work in a hostile environment.（即使需要展开新的观点，也建议更换论证方法，不能过度依赖例证）

On the other hand, other areas are desperate for budget as well（be desperate for主语一般是人，不能用物作主语；另一方面这道题的题目问的是beneficial，be desperate for不能够直接回答这个问题，建议直接说“好处”）. Education plays an important role in the development of the society.（这种claim过于general，请直接将教育带来的好处） Without a large number of people who have access to higher education, lack of physics professors and rocket engineers will be major problems for space research.（这一句话讲教育的好处局限于发展太空科技，不是非常推荐，虽然我们要做到段落之间的呼应和衔接，但是要先把自己的主观点讲清楚，然后再说其他人的观点，才会起到作用。） A stable and developing society is foundation of any science research. It is true that（it is true that 通常表示观点的弱化，不建议使用在自己观点的陈述） general public will support space exploration only after their basic demands are satisfied. In order to achieve an ideal environment for research, the government are supposed to pay attention to welfare system as well.（这里又提出了一个新的观点，缺乏有效论证支撑）

Taking the reason mentioned above into consideration, I believe the government should make a balanced budget. Although money spent on developing space-related technology is meaningful, other aspects like education and welfare deserve more attention. （整篇文章缺乏明确的立场和观点。）

任务回应与完成：5分

语言连贯与衔接：6分

词汇丰富程度：5分

语法多样与准确：6分

综合评分：5.5分