有社交障碍的人应该转换思维吗（自杀式社交的五种表现）

古人说：“君子如玉，触手可温。”

The ancients said, "A gentleman is like jade, with warm tentacles."

真正高情商的人，总是让人如沐春风，不由自主地向他靠近。

People who are truly emotionally intelligent are always moving towards them in spite of themselves.

低情商的人，却总会用“自杀式社交”让人感到尴尬。

People with low EMOTIONAL intelligence, however, are often embarrassed by "suicidal socializing."

这5种“自杀式社交”，有一个就让人受不了。

Of these five types of "suicidal socializing," one can't stand it.

把尖酸刻薄当幽默

首先要批评的是苏轼。

The first to criticize is Su Shi.

苏轼这个人喜欢开玩笑，但是又经常没有分寸感。

Su Shi liked to make jokes, but he often had no sense of proportion.

年轻的时候因为这张嘴得罪过不少人。

He offended a lot of people with that mouth when he was young.

《程子微言》记载：司马光去世后，朝廷让程颐主持丧事。

It is recorded in Cheng Zi's Micro Remarks that after Sima Guang died, the imperial court asked Cheng Yi to preside over the funeral.

吊丧当日，是朝廷祭祀明堂的大礼，于是群臣前往祝贺。

On the day of the funeral, the imperial court offered sacrifices to the Ming Hall, so the ministers went to congratulate.

然后再去祭吊司马光。

Then go to hang Sima Guang.

然而程颐认为“庆吊不同日”。

However, Cheng Yi thinks that "celebrate hanging different days".

不能一边吊丧一边庆祝。

You can't mourn and celebrate at the same time.

于是苏轼和苏辙只好半道折返，苏轼说道：“鏖糟陂里叔孙通也。”

So Su Shi and Su Zhe had to go back, and Su Shi said, "Only had a bachelors to go back."

意思是指程颐犹如从脏乱之地来的冒牌叔孙通。

It means cheng Yi is like a fake Shusun Tong from the dirty land.

身边的人哄堂大笑，甚至把这个当成了程颐的外号。

People around him burst into laughter and even took it as cheng yi's nickname.

苏轼也因为这个和程颐结了仇。

Su Shi also made enemies with Cheng Yi because of this.

此后几十年，苏轼的门人和程颐的弟子相互攻击，几乎没有消停过。

In the decades that followed, su Shi's gatekeepers and Cheng Yi's disciples attacked each other almost continuously.

幽默是一种高级的智慧，而不是拿着别人的缺点来嘲讽自己。

Humor is a kind of advanced wisdom, rather than taking the shortcomings of others to laugh at yourself.

如果别人不舒服，那就不是幽默，而是刻薄。

If someone is uncomfortable, it's not humor, it's mean.

所有的幽默都要有分寸感。

All humor has a sense of proportion.

失去分寸，乱开玩笑，很多时候，就意味着友谊的终结。

Losing sense of proportion and making jokes can, in many cases, mean the end of a friendship.

把口无遮拦当成直率

曾国藩说：

Zeng Guofan said:

“劝人不可指其过，须先美其长。”

"Advise people not to point out their faults, must first beauty."

批评别人的时候，不要上来就指明别人的缺点。

When criticizing others, don't start by pointing out their shortcomings.

而是要先赞扬他，然后再委婉地指出他的不足。

Instead, praise him first and then gently point out his shortcomings.

如果心直口快，不懂得转个弯，很容易就得罪人。

It is easy to offend people if you are outspoken and do not know how to turn a corner.

曾国藩就是这样。

Zeng Guofan was like this.

仗着自己做了官，每个月都往家里写信教育弟弟，言语之间毫不客气。

By doing their own official, every month to write home education brother, between words not polite.

时间长了，弟弟们都不愿意给他回信。

For a long time, his brothers were reluctant to answer his letters.

后来，更是直接写信给他，表示不满。

Later, he wrote directly to him to express his dissatisfaction.

曾国藩这才回过味来，再也没有直接指责过弟弟们。

Only then did Zeng Guofan come round and never directly blamed his brothers again.

古人说，“舌上有龙泉，杀人不见血”，言语伤人，甚于刀剑。

The ancients said, "There is a dragon spring on the tongue, and no blood can kill." Words hurt more than swords.

不要毫无顾忌地放纵自己的嘴巴。

Don't indulge your mouth without scruple.

学会委婉表达自己的看法，尽量不要伤害到别人。

Learn to express your views tactfully and try not to hurt others.

这样的人才能拥有一个好人缘。

Such people can have a good popularity.

把指手画脚当热心肠

每个人都有自己的意志和生活。

Everyone has his own will and life.

保持一份尊重，不要乱干涉，很多时候就是最好的祝福。

Maintain a respect, do not interfere, many times is the best blessing.

庄子曾讲过一个故事：

Zhuangzi once told a story:

南海的大帝名叫儵，北海的大帝名叫忽，中央的大帝叫浑沌。

The king of South China Sea is shu. The king of North China Sea is Hu. The King of the Middle of China is Hundun.

儵与忽常常在浑沌家里做客，浑沌款待他们十分丰盛。

Shu and Hu often visited Hun Dun's house. Hun Dun entertained them very richly.

儵和忽在一起商量报答浑沌的深厚情谊，说：

Shu and Hu talked about paying back the deep friendship of Hu Dun and said:

“人人都有眼耳口鼻七个窍孔用来视、听、吃和呼吸，唯独浑沌没有，我们试着为他凿开七窍。”

"Everyone has seven orifice for seeing, hearing, eating and breathing, but Hun Dun has none. We are trying to make seven orifice for him."

他们每天凿出一个孔窍，凿了七天浑沌也就死去了。

They dug a hole every day for seven days and hun Dun died.

他们不知道，浑沌和人是不一样的。

They don't know that chaos is different from man.

一个人最大的悲哀，就是自以为是，以为自己什么都懂，胡乱掺和。

A person's greatest sorrow, is self-righteous, think they know everything, random adulteration.

结果越是好为人师，越会暴露自己的无知，甚至会酿成大祸。

As a result, the more pontificate you are, the more you will expose your ignorance and even lead to disaster.

个人的经验可以分享，但是不能干涉，管好自己的人生，就已经很不容易了。

Personal experience can be shared, but not interfered with. Managing one's own life is not easy enough.

把故意抬杠当能言善辩

作家王蒙先生曾写过一篇小说《雄辩症》，内容如下：

The writer Wang Meng once wrote a novel Eloquence syndrome, which is as follows:

一位医生向我介绍，他们在门诊中接触了一位雄辩症病人。

A doctor described to me a case of eloquence they saw in an outpatient clinic.

医生说：“请坐。”

"Please sit down," said the doctor.

病人说：“为什么要坐呢？难道你要剥夺我的不坐权吗？”

The patient said, "Why? Do you want to deprive me of my right not to sit down?"

医生无可奈何，倒了一杯水，说：“请喝水吧。”

Helplessly, the doctor poured a glass of water and said, "Please have some water."

病人说：“这样谈问题是片面的，因而是荒谬的，并不是所有的水都能喝。例如你如果在水里掺上氰化钾，这水就绝对不能喝。”

The patient said, "This is one-sided and therefore absurd. Not all water is drinkable. For example, if you put potassium cyanide in water, the water is absolutely undrinkable."

医生说：“我这里并没有放嘛。你放心！”

The doctor said, "I don't have any. Don't worry!"

病人说：“谁说你放了呢？难道我诬告你放了？难道检察院起诉书上说你放了？我没说你放，而你说我说你放了，你这才是比放了还毒！”

The patient said, "Who said you did? Did I falsely accuse you of releasing it? Did the prosecutor's indictment say you did? I didn't say you put, and you said I said you put, you this is more poison than put!"

医生毫无办法，便叹了一口气，换一个话题说：“今天天气不错。”

The doctor could do nothing, so he sighed and changed the subject. "It's fine today."

病人说：“纯粹胡说八道！你这里天气不错，并不等于全世界今天都是好天气。例如北极，今天天气就很坏，刮着大风，漫漫长夜，冰山正在撞击……”

The patient said, "Nonsense! Just because it's fine here doesn't mean it's fine all over the world. At the North Pole, for example, it's very bad today, with strong winds, long nights, icebergs colliding..."

医生忍不住反驳说：“我们这里并不是北极嘛。”

"We're not at the North Pole," the doctor retorted.

病人说：“但你不应该否认北极的存在。你否认北极的存在，就是歪曲事实真相，就是别有用心。”

The patient said, "But you shouldn't deny the existence of the North Pole. If you deny the Existence of the Arctic, you are distorting the truth and have ulterior motives."

医生说：“你走吧。”

The doctor said, "You go."

病人说：“你无权命令我走。这里是医院，你不可能逮捕我。”

The patient said, "You have no right to order me to go. This is a hospital. You can't arrest me."

生活中其实有很多这样的人。

There are many such people in our life.

芝麻大的事，他也要和你抬杠。

He will quarrel with you over the smallest of matters.

无论聊什么内容，都能被他瞬间搞得没心情。

He can instantly put you in a bad mood about anything.

他们也不是为了探讨某种观点，就是单纯为了抬杠凸显存在感。

They're not trying to make a point, they're just trying to make their presence felt.

殊不知，言语胜人是最低情商的行为。

As they do not know, speaking better than others is the lowest eq behavior.

人天生觉得自己更正确，更优秀。

People naturally feel more right and better.

被别人当众反驳，就一定会激起愤怒。

Anger is sure to be aroused by being contradicted in public.

语欲胜人，是最大的关系杀手，人生苦短，遇到爱抬杠的人，请远离他们。

One of the biggest relationship killers is verbal dominance. Life is short, so stay away from tattlers.

把自来熟当亲和力

亲和力让人舒服，让人忍不住想与你做朋友。

Affinity makes people comfortable and want to be friends with you.

自来熟则是过分地热情，表面上显得很成熟。

Alai-ripen is overly enthusiastic and appears to be mature.

殊不知，每个人都有自己的安全距离，一旦超过就容易惹人不适。

Little do you know, everyone has their own safe distance, once exceeded easily uncomfortable.

综艺节目里曾经见过这样一个片段：

A variety show once saw a clip like this:

某明星为了凸显自己的亲和力，在跟第一次见面的顾客讲解菜谱的时候，多次拍打了对方的肩膀。

A pop star slapped a customer on the shoulder several times while explaining a menu to him for the first time to show his friendliness.

顾客明显表现出了不自在，但这位明星却依然没有注意到，依然自顾自得展现着他的亲和力。

The customer was clearly uncomfortable, but the star still didn't notice and kept his approachability intact.

节目播出后，大家都在吐槽这位明星情商太低。

After the show aired, everyone made fun of the star's emotional intelligence.

与人相处，想要熟络破冰是需要时间的。

It takes time to warm up to people.

人和人的信任是一点点建立起来的。

Trust is built little by little.

如果在还不是很熟的情况下，就贸然行动，只能惹人反感。

If you are not very familiar with the situation, to act rashly, will only offend.

古人说，“熟不逾矩”，老朋友也要注意分寸，对于刚认识的人就更是如此了。

As the ancients say, "Never be too familiar", old friends should be careful, especially those who just know each other.

保持距离，点到为止，才是最好的尊重。

The best respect is to keep your distance and leave it at that.

你让人舒服的程度，决定了你所能抵达的高度。

How comfortable you are determines how far you can go.

远离这5种“自杀式社交”，你的人缘才能越来越好，路才能越走越宽。

Stay away from these five types of "suicidal socializing" and you'll be on your way to becoming more popular.

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